Narcissistic personality disorder: understanding before judging Narcissistic personality disorder, known as NPD, can manifest in people with an unreasonable sense of superiority, a constant need for attention, and an ongoing desire to be admired. They may also have difficulty recognizing the needs and feelings of those around them. However, deep insecurity may lie behind that apparent …
Narcissistic personality disorder: understanding before judging
Narcissistic personality disorder, known as NPD, can manifest in people with an unreasonable sense of superiority, a constant need for attention, and an ongoing desire to be admired.
They may also have difficulty recognizing the needs and feelings of those around them.
However, deep insecurity may lie behind that apparent confidence. The person may react intensely to criticism, feel disappointed when they do not receive special favors or the admiration they believe they deserve, and become absorbed in fantasies involving success, power, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect partner. They may also criticize and belittle those they consider unimportant, expect others to do what they want without question, manipulate people to achieve their goals, take advantage of others, and feel envious while believing that others envy them.
When narcissism is combined with emotional instability
The woman whose story is shared in this testimony had both a friendship and a working relationship with a man who, in addition to exhibiting pathological narcissism, had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This combination made the relationship one marked by unstable emotions, impulsivity, a distorted self-image, and chaotic interpersonal bonds.
He also displayed an intense fear of abandonment, drastic mood swings, and reactions that were difficult to understand. She was unaware that these disorders existed and, at the time, thought a narcissistic person was simply someone arrogant.
The relationship began as a friendship. He was a veterinarian from a European country with numerous international credentials who visited Colombia to take part in a university program and treat horses. She wanted him to examine one of her animals, which was ill, and that is how they began interacting.
During the first few months, he did not openly show his narcissistic side. He spoke about the adventures he had experienced in different countries and presented himself as an excellent professional. He also had a charismatic personality and a remarkable ability to charm others through his knowledge, stories, and intelligence.
The charm and the professional proposal
Little by little, he began praising her as a rider and taking an interest in everything she did. He then convinced her to create an equine veterinary clinic equipped with advanced technology. She would be the investor, while he would contribute his knowledge, fieldwork, and surgical experience.
At that time, she had spent several years involved in high-performance equestrian sport. She had competed in international seasons in Europe and the United States and had even been preselected for the 2012 Olympic Games, although she decided to withdraw before completing the qualification process.
Her withdrawal was related to a sporting environment that she perceived as deeply affected by corruption, money, egos, and pressure from certain coaches. In some cases, athletes had to defer to prominent coaches and endure ridicule, threats, and excessive demands in order to continue.
After withdrawing from Olympic qualification, she returned to Colombia feeling disoriented and unsure of her next step. She had devoted her entire life to the competitive world and, suddenly, that professional proposal seemed to pull her out of limbo, exhaustion, and a path that could have led her toward depression.
For that reason, she accepted. She traveled to Europe to meet his family and visit the clinics where he had worked. She wanted to verify that he truly was who he claimed to be. After doing so, she decided to make a very significant financial investment.
When the dream turned into a nightmare
During the investment stage, the charm continued. She was happy with the project, the investment, and her new outlook on life. She also admired him greatly because he could perform complex surgeries and provide diagnoses and treatments that were beginning to attract attention in the field.
But once the clinic was operating and he obtained what he wanted, the relationship began to change. She stopped being his friend and became merely his business partner. He said his friends were more fun, that he had a better time with them, and that she was boring.
On several occasions, he began getting drunk. One early morning, she had to go and find him because he had driven his car into a ditch. Another time, she did not know where he was. His friends disappeared whenever he needed help, and she ended up taking on the role of rescuing him.
When he was drunk, he made her feel that she was his savior and that no one else was more important in his life. But when he became sober, he reacted aggressively and told her that she was invading his space. He would then seek her out again and ask her never to abandon him.
The insults and the destruction of self-esteem
Once he felt that she was completely tied to the relationship, to her admiration for him, and to the need to save him, the insults began. He told her that she was ugly, too thin, and looked sick. He called her stupid, claimed she had no brain, and said she behaved like a twelve-year-old girl.
He also accused her of practicing witchcraft against him, claimed that everyone hated her, said that her parents were thieves, and told her she was crazy. He insisted that she should be committed to a psychiatric hospital. He attacked her performance as a rider, told her she was the worst in the world, and said that people laughed at her during competitions.
Over time, those words began to sink in deeply. She started to question her own identity and the way others saw her. The insults were repeated several times a day and affected her self-esteem, confidence, and ability to trust herself.
Many people wonder why someone might remain in a relationship like this for years. She eventually asked herself the same question and felt guilty. However, manipulation can be so subtle that the person begins to believe they must try harder to prove that they are not what they are repeatedly told they are.
Codependency and isolation
She became codependent on him. She wanted to save him, please him, and prevent him from attacking her again. When he insulted her, she reacted with pain and anger. He could then ignore her for days, making her feel that he would abandon her completely.
The relationship was also tied to a major financial investment. For that reason, walking away did not seem simple. Suddenly, he would reappear, apologize, and promise that everything would improve. He told her that he only wanted her to perform better and show what she was capable of, and that they should stop fighting because they were best friends and business partners.
She was already trapped in that dynamic. Emotionally, she was devastated, and financially, she was close to bankruptcy. The insults were so constant that she began to wonder whether everything he said was actually true.
Little by little, she began to isolate herself. She felt that others mocked her, hated her, and did not see her as a person of value. She stopped talking to those who might have helped her because she thought they would judge her or tell her that she had been naive to remain in that relationship.
Physical violence and fear
As the situation worsened, the arguments became more intense. She responded verbally, trying to defend herself and prove that she was not the person he described. In response, he began to resort to physical violence.
On one occasion, he strangled her, leaving bruises on her neck. When other people asked what had happened, she said that someone had yanked off and stolen her necklace. On another occasion, he threw her down the stairs. She fell and struck her head against the floor.
Afterward, he splashed water on her face to make her respond and tearfully apologized. He claimed that he had not meant to hurt her and asked her to forgive him. On another occasion, he spat on her and pushed her against a table, causing her to fall to the floor. At that moment, she thought she might die, ran to the bathroom, and photographed her injuries in case she needed to take legal action.
He also bit her, pulled her hair, and hit her. When he saw that she could not take any more, he might throw himself to the floor and pretend to faint to regain her attention and make her rescue him again. He would then tell her that her behavior had made him react that way and that, if she did not change, he might have a heart attack.
On several occasions, he told her that he wanted to kill her and that he would rather spend the rest of his life in prison than see her again.
Alcohol, substances, and suicide threats
Over time, she realized that he got drunk every night, often while alone at home. Alcohol seemed to intensify his manipulative behavior, aggression, emotional shifts, and risk-taking.
Some nights, he called her in the early hours to say that he was going to kill himself, that he was worthless, or that no one acknowledged his efforts. She would rush out to take him to a clinic and make sure he received care. That situation made her feel like his savior again and hope that he would finally recognize her worth.
Obsession became a central part of the relationship. She felt trapped, consumed by fear, and increasingly distant from the person she had once been. After the fights and assaults, she would arrive home crying and no longer recognize herself. She felt that she had become someone else.
She also began to experience jealousy, anger, and anxiety. She was drifting away from God, although she continued to pray and ask for help. She felt that she was in such profound darkness that she needed to turn on every light in her house: those in the bathroom, kitchen, garage, closets, and every space where the light could make her feel less alone.
In addition to drinking alcohol, he began injecting himself with benzodiazepines intended for horses. The combination of his emotional problems, alcohol, and drugs made the situation increasingly dangerous and unpredictable.
Narcissism, abuse, and demonic possession
She began to wonder about the difference between an abuser and a narcissistic person. She came to understand that abuse seeks to gain power and control over another person, while narcissistic abuse may use psychological manipulation to invalidate, control, and dominate a partner, business associate, friend, or family member.
She also understood that abuse can be selective. The abuser may present a charming personality to others while behaving cruelly in private. That is why many people did not believe her when she described what she was experiencing. To everyone else, he was an excellent professional and a charming person.
Drawing on her spiritual experience, she began to compare the stages of manipulation with the ways in which evil can act: temptation, oppression, obsession, and possession.
Temptation appears when someone arrives with promises of wealth, success, power, admiration, or a perfect life, but those promises are built on lies and deceit. In her story, the initial attraction was connected to that man’s stories, intelligence, profession, and image of success.
Then oppression appears. The abuser begins to influence the person’s environment, relationships, work, finances, and self-esteem. He constantly finds faults and makes the other person feel that they are not good enough, attractive enough, talented enough, or capable enough.
Next comes obsession. The abuser fixates on the person, and she also begins to focus entirely on him, believing that she must save him or give him everything to prevent further assaults. At that point, fear, desperation, hatred, anger, and the feeling that there is no way out begin to appear.
Finally, the relationship may reach a point where she feels she has completely lost her identity. She no longer knows who she is, feels destroyed, and begins to react only to pain and provocation. A phase of apparent reconciliation, apologies, and promises may then return, allowing the entire cycle to begin again.
Narcissism and high-performance sport
High-performance sport is associated with the pursuit of perfection, constant pressure, and the desire to succeed. In some environments, that pressure may be linked to self-promotion, jealousy, cheating, addiction, doping, alcohol, aggression, and difficulty working as a team.
Some athletes may excel under pressure and develop an inflated sense of self when they have an audience or rivals. They may also develop an excessive dependence on exercise and neglect their health, family, emotions, social relationships, and spirituality.
Coaches with narcissistic behaviors may be controlling, ignore their athletes, make them feel worthless, or train them through shouting, insults, and threats. At times, they pay attention only to those they consider talented enough to help them achieve their own goals.
In elite sport, there is a constant struggle between personal values and the need to be accepted. Many young people feel that they must hide their emotions, accept injustice, tolerate favoritism, and remain silent in order to stay within the system.
In equestrian sports, this loss of awareness also affects the horses. When the rider’s ego takes precedence over the animal’s well-being, the sport moves away from respect for life and the principle of caring for those who depend on us.
Many athletes break down because they cannot find a spiritual center, awareness, and integrity that allow them to endure without falling into depression, anger, or despair.
Returning to God and regaining awareness
For a long time, she felt there was no way out. She was isolated, confused, emotionally devastated, and trapped between fear, dependence, and responsibility for his life.
However, she also began to understand that she needed to regain her awareness. She had to stop living in anticipation of the abuser’s reactions and recognize her own identity again. Recovery was not about proving to him that he was wrong, but about no longer allowing his words to define who she was.
Spirituality once again became a path back. Although she had drifted away from God, the desire to find light, truth, and freedom remained within her. Little by little, she understood that pride, obsession, and fear could lead her to respond from a place she did not recognize as her own.
Returning to God meant beginning to regain peace, dignity, and the ability to choose.
It also meant understanding that overall well-being is not limited to the body or athletic performance. It includes emotional health, relationships, family life, awareness, and spiritual life.
